Where it starts

     My name is Jessica Gordon-Kay and no, it's not funny to switch letters in with the "K", it's annoying. I do realize that it's not the most preferable name someone would want and let me tell you now, I hate it. I mean when you introduce yourself to people and they ask what your last name is, it's kind of awkward to spit out such a long last name that can easily be heard as something it's not. I am 15 years old (and in Grade 10 jsyk) and will be 16 in the fall (November 15th to be exact). I'm not sure I even want to be 16 so soon, I mean yeah you get to learn how to drive a car but, I'm not exactly what someone would define as capable for paying for things, in fact I'm flat out broke. The whole money situation is kind of why I created this blog, to express my feelings, but it isn't the only reason. Recently my entire life has revolved around the future an the past, which means I'm never able to take in the present and fully experience it. Some of these things I speak of are things everyone thinks of which are; social life, what will happen after graduating (what you're going to do) and what you did in the past that could affect you now. Well, my things, along with those, just happen to be; death, moving, who i can trust, money problems (how in the world am I going to pay for that!), making sure my mother gets a job, making sure my father stays alive and, making sure both my brother and I find jobs of our own.
      A lot of my friends have absolutely NO IDEA where I'm coming from when I try to explain my life to them, so I tend to keep to myself, which brought upon me the lovely name of "quiet girl". Contrary to popular belief,  this does not make me feel bad whatsoever, I mean I'd WAY rather be "quiet girl" than "loud and obnoxious girl that won't shut up". 
     My parents are helpful and understand where I'm coming from since they live under the same roof but, parents are a little TOO helpful, which REALLY annoys me. Reason for this; I'm not stupid and can deal with some things on my own. However, whenever I actually NEED my parents' help, they're never there.
     So, since both places I would go to for help aren't what I'm seeking, I'm left to myself. YES, I've heard about counselling but, I'd rather not explain my life story speaking, I'll just write it, plus the help they give really is bullcrap (LOL Google says that word should be bullwhackers). Well, as you can see I've resorted to writing blogs now instead of keeping to myself...it's relaxing, really:)
    Now that you know where I'm coming from and such, let me explain to you how today (Wednesday the 27th of April 2011), really sucked.

•  First of all; School, a drag(even though, not to sound like I'm bragging or anything, I do really good in school without trying)
• Second; Lunch, which I normally LOVE but I forgot my lunch and had to spend my last 3 bucks on a sandwich, also one of my friends (who isn't really my closest friend), found a lovely list of things I want to do before I graduate...which I made back when I was desperado in Grade 9
• Third; Babysitting, right after school for 6 hours, and all I made was about 10$...woohoo, I just LOVE IT when I'm underpaid
• Fourth; I missed American Idol, which I like to follow intently(definitely one of my fave shows)
• Fifth; I got the news that my cousin (which I already knew was dying ,because her body was rejecting food and was cut off life support, but even with that it was shocking) died. This caused me to break down because I thought of all of the times when she was smaller (back before her condition stopped her from being able to walk, eat and somewhat talk).

      So today, was officially a downer. 

                      Isn't it sad how we never know what we have 'til it's gone

                      Isn't it wrong when someone who never got to enjoy life dies

                     Doesn't it kill you inside to know we all live unequally

                                         ...maybe tomorrow but probably not.

Life lesson; live life to the fullest because you never know what's going to happen tomorrow.